resolve

(*3 days after i posted this blog doctors started to come back to the hospital...praise Jesus)
so i've been remembering back to my days in oaxaca. more specifically i've been reminded of the strike that went on for months and months. protests. suffering. disagreement. selfishness.
last monday some politician assaulted a doctor, i'm not sure why. so now there is a city-wide strike. the post-grad docs have been striking for a week. this is not good because they make up the majority of the staff in most hospitals here and do most of the work. the only doctors i've seen all week are head doctors that mostly only supervise and do surgeries.
the assault happened at a children's hospital and the word is that a lot of children are dying because of it. i see it first had. the maternity hospital we've been working in is way understaffed, but that's how it is in every hospital in the city. people are suffering and dying over some stupid political argument that i don't even understand. we have been working more and sending some girls for night-shifts to help pick up the slack. the girls and i have basically been doing the work of these post-grad docs who have studied for 5-7 years.
crazy? yes. absurd.
we are doing what we can, but the strike needs to end. i have seen more deaths in the past week than i have ever seen. i don't like it. GMH sees hundreds of women a day and anywhere between 70-80 births a day. they also receive referrals from all other maternity hospitals in the area, which means that other hospitals send GMH tough cases and people who can't pay.
several nights ago i was on night shift with 3 other girls. there had been a woman there all day with a heart condition. she delivered in the afternoon a beautiful little boy, dead. he was perfect, but lacking breath. she was laying on one of the beds trying to get some sleep. i was conducting a delivery in the very next bed when my staff hollie and i saw that she was having a fit. she had turned onto her belly and every muscle in her thin body was hard and flexed. hollie yelled for the 2 doctors on duty. the next thing i knew they were doing chest compressions and mouth to mouth. then i delivered a beautiful baby girl. hollie walked past me and said, "that woman just died." my world stood still. how could it be? they had to be wrong. couldn't something be done? the husband and 3 women were brought in. there was crying. the new life on her mother's breast right in front of me, and the mourning family behind me. they left, alone. i turned around and saw the woman covered with a blanket, still. why? something in my heart says it didn't need to happen that way.
we are praying that people will come to their senses, that they would get over themselves and come back to work. pray.
please pray for us too. that we would work with passion and discernment and diligence. the doctors who have been working are worn out. they've been mostly without sleep for the past week. pray for resolve.
i will have night shift tonight and tomorrow night.
Lord send your angels to minister. Jesus, come so that they might have life, and life to the full...

strangers...

we just finished 3 weeks of fasting for the city we're in, mainly the hospital we've been working in. many of us came to a breaking point. we needed more of God. more of His wisdom. more of His strength. more of His power. more of His grace. more of His peace. more of His love. we cried out in desperation for Him to move, to stir, to act...

blow a trumpet in Zion, consecrate a fast,

proclaim a solemn assembly,

gather the people,

sanctify the congregation...
yesterday we met together for worship, thanksgiving, and to share what God had been speaking to us during our fasting. i sat under the weight of the Almighty as my dear sisters shared about my Lord. He is so faithful. He proved Himself at work and always present. a Rock in whom we can put our trust for eternity. as we took turns fasting throughout we cried out to God on behalf of the people here. not only have we seen more favor with the staff, but more opportunities to speak of the love of Christ. another girl and i were able to take 2 of the doctors out to lunch last week. i also went back with becca to visit sunitha ( a woman i posted about a couple weeks ago.) we found her this time with smiles instead of tears, and she said she had been reading a page of the bible every day! God is so good.

do not fear, O land, rejoice and be glad,

for the Lord has done great things...

God spoke to me personally from 1 Peter. i think i identified so much because the letter was written to a scattered church in a land that was not their own. his exhortations called them out to be "excellent" in their behavior and also to be holy as He was holy. somehow i think this is key. as we're strangers here in a foreign land we should try to live up to the Standard each moment. he said, " honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king." after reading that i stopped and pondered for a bit. i could spend the rest of my life trying to live that out. what does excellent behavior look like? Jesus. hmmm....
ok well, it's another day to pick up the cross and to deny myself and to follow Him. to speak what He spoke. to pray what He prayed. to love how He loved. to go where He went. wanna come?

today

...do not be worried about your life...but seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. so do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself...
sunday i turned 26. and maybe i'm starting to scratch the surface of what it means to live in today. some days i'm forced to because i don't know what tomorrow holds or next month or where i'll call "home" a year from now. God spoke to me more on this on my birthday. i sat next to a window basking in the sunshine pondering the past year. 25 was beautiful. i said goodbye to my dear mexico, spent time in texas and followed a wild call from God that has brought me through australia, thailand, and to india. this year will move me on to africa and indonesia and who knows where else. so often i find myself asking God about "tomorrow." often i have found myself waiting for the next big thing, being in a hurry to get to where i'm going. where am i going God? i think i need to have it all planned out, haha. God says "this is life. this is what i created you for." i'm here. this is where i am. now i am living fully for God. now i am living out what God created me for. today i am fully alive in Christ. my cup runs over. today i am walking out God's plans, purposes, and will for me. seize the day. it's a day to soak up the Lord and to bask in His glory. it is a day to share His love and speak out His truth. it's a day to rest in indestructible hope in an unshakable kingdom. may i never be lingering regretfully over the past or pointlessly fretting over the future. today is a gift. see His beauty and absorb it. today is full of potential, don't miss it! yippee! happy day!

My Jesus pondered...

born in a manger. died between criminals. ate with tax collectors. anointed by adulterers. served by fishermen. scorned by pharisees. sought out by the multitudes. opposed by the proud. pursued by bleeders and lepers and mutes and beggars and blind men and paralytics. born of a commoner. raised by a carpenter. recognized by demons. ministered to by heavenly hosts. tempted by satan. surrendered to the Father. rode on a donkey. washed the feet of His disciples. kissed by a poser. doubted and betrayed by His own. forsaken and raised victorious by God. tried and true. sitting at the right hand of the Father. interceding for the saints. coming soon...

Whoever receives this child in My name receives Me, and whoever receives Me receives Him who sent Me; for the one who is least among all of you, this is the one who is great.

I praise You, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that You have hidden these things from the wise and intelligent and have revealed them to infants. Yes, Father, for this way was well-pleasing in Your sight.

Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

you will weep no longer

O people in Zion, inhabitant in Jerusalem, you will weep no longer. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you. although the Lord has given you bread of privation and water of oppression, He, your Teacher will no longer hide Himself, but your eyes will behold your Teacher. Your ears will hear a word behind you, "This is the way, walk in it, " whenever you turn to the right or to the left...isaiah 30:19-21

i have been pondering the gospel lately. the good news of Jesus. i've pretty much decided that Jesus was a genius. as i read through the gospels i see how Jesus could take any ordinary daily situation and turn it into an opportunity to point people towards the Father. the gospel is healing and Jesus poured it out onto the dry and thirsty land. to the lost, He said, "I am the way" and "I am the gate." to the confused and wandering He said "I am the Good Shepherd." to those drowning in darkness He is the Light. Jesus is relevant. He is relevant in India and in the US. His message is relevant in every age group, social class, people group, country...
Today becca, sarah, and i went to visit a woman we met in the hospital. her name is sunitha. she is hindu. her husband met us and took us to their house, and along the way told us that sunitha's father had passed away earlier that day. as we walked into the house we had to weave through crowds of mourning family members and neighbors. sunitha came to us in tears saying, "my father is dead, he is nothing." i wanted to tell her about the Kingdom where God will take away pain and death and tears. through the tears and the people coming in and out it was all we could do to tell her that we cared. becca gave her a bible written in hindi and we told her that she could find peace and comfort in God...pray that she will seek Him. she told us to please come back, so hopefully we can talk more about the gospel when we visit her again next week...
they will hunger no longer, nor thirst anymore; nor will the sun beat down on them, nor any heat; for the Lamb in the center of the throne will be their shepherd, and will guide them to springs of the water of life; and God will wipe every tear from their eyes.
rev 7:16-17

In spite of...

in spite of tears and pain and death we believe that the God who made us all is infinitely wise and good. as Abraham staggered not at the promises of God through unbelief, but was strong in faith, giving glory to God, and was fully persuaded that what He had promised He was able to perform, so do we base our hope against hope til the day breaks. we rest in what God is. i believe that this alone is true faith. any faith that must be supported by the evidence of the senses is not real faith.
--Tozer
some days i must will to believe God. i have to believe Him. i must believe that He is good, that His love is steadfast. i must believe Him to be exactly who His word claims that He is...slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness, a merciful and just God. if i don't believe i will break. i find comfort in Tozer's wise words, that i can continue on believing God is good in spite of tears and pain and death. since being here in india i have seen plenty of those along with injustice and suffering and poverty and abuse and selfishness. when i see a mother toil through labor and give birth to a perfect little baby with no breath in him, my senses don't tell me that God is good. that doesn't seem fair. when a sobbing family brings in a fitting, expectant mother and then life leaves her, i don't feel like God is merciful. when a street boy covered in dirt and worn clothes begs me for a little coin, i don't feel like God could be just. but i will sit here and say that in spite of the suffering and pain that goes on in this broken and cold world, God is good, He is just, He is love. i hope against hope in a kingdom that i cannot fix my eyes on, but i can fix my heart on it. i can rest in who God is. it's all i can do, to rest in Him and trudge on doing my best to reflect this good God that i know in my heart to be real and true and present. Lord i believe, help my unbelief...

whispers of King Jesus...

last week 2 girls and i were sitting on a step outside of the post-natal ward at the hospital. we were praying and observing all the liveliness going on around us. there were countless families sitting in little groups chatting, eating, and drinking tea. a woman in their family had just given birth and was residing just inside the post-natal ward. every once in a while the guard might let someone in to see her. just to my left i saw a grandmother type squeeze out of the ward cradling a newborn in a blanket. she approached a man and handed over the baby to him. he took the baby in his hands and gently brought a tiny ear up to his mouth. he began whispering secret words to the child. i watched from a distance wondering just what he would be saying to the baby. it is tradition within the muslim religion that the first words a baby hears come from his father. he whispers words about their religion and their god allah. as i sat pondering the man finished, handed the baby back to the woman and briskly walked away.


thursday i was posted in the newborn room. i absolutely enjoy those days spent welcoming new life into the world, celebrating birthdays, being thoroughly delighted in each new creation and whispering into little pink ears. when i arrived there were 2 babies waiting for me in the newborn room and 2 more quickly arrived wet and screaming. after i cleaned them off and warmed them up i proceeded to pick them up and whisper into their ears about King Jesus. there was one precious little girl that had been crying, but when i picked her up and started to whisper stories of my Jesus who calms the storm she promptly became extremely calm and alert. her eyes found mine as i told her about His mercy and compassion and love for little children to enter into His kingdom. as i whispered these sweet treasures to her she held my gaze and then slowly reached up and touched my face, not once but twice. i know that newborns don't see well and they certainly don't have the motor skills to control their movements, but for this brief moment we shared something. her spirit understood mine and it was beautiful...

every baby that we deliver gets bathed in prayer and receives a helmet of salvation. we have been busy crocheting hats for weeks now to cover all the precious little heads. we pray for little warriors, little pauls and peters, little peace-bringers and truth-speakers....little children to be added to the kingdom of heaven...and we're believing God to move in ways that are supernatural, in ways that human minds cannot possibly grasp. and i see it beginning among the babies and those who are willing to be child-like in their faith. the Spirit is moving...we're just running to try and keep up.